Checking up on you

I have been busy since i have been volunteered at the public library.  I have had one burst out since dad passed I believe. Don't quote me on it. I think maybe 2 or 3.

I will miss dad and mom since all the b's has happened. Our brother doesn't live with us now. Him and Autumn moved towards searcy. I just wonder why. I guess because at the house is where dad got killed at. I just wish they could have stayed longer.

Check up

Well my a1c is 9.2 and went up instead of down. We made it thru the 15th anniversary of my mom's death on the 22nd of Sept. It was werid without dad. I wish we didn't have to feel this bad with losing family members.

Heart dr

Well I had my heart Dr appointment....I go back in six months. That's a good. He said my numbers were better. I can't wait to see what he says in six months.

On good terms, I really can't wait to see my boyfriend. I am missing him badly right now. I really love him. I think this is really the one. Even though we have disagreements. I only hope that we will continue to grow in love and in happiness. Well I am going to go.

Lava lamp

Today I got to make a lava lamp. It was fun today. I had my therapy session with Dora today also. We did EMDR today. I hopefull that it works.

I had a dream that dad said that it was all a joke on us about the accident that happened. I only hope that it doesn't come true because that it will impact us negatively. I am believing that he is peaceful and resting greatly because he deserves it badly

Rearrange

Well I rearrange my living room today. I just felt like a change. I just wish life was a little bit easier. That's all

So i had a problem

So I had a scuffle with my fiance. I just wish we quit having them. Every time he gets drunk we have them. Maybe my guardian angels will help his drinking problems.

Well its not just him. I have to keep taking my meds everyday and make sure that it at the right time. Sometimes when I don't take them I go psycho and I don't want to be. Life would be great if I did everything right for once.

I love this man dearly and I hope this will work out right for once. I need and want to stay happy. I just think if he would love me enough maybe we both fix each others demons and make a better life for each other. It is something that is needed for us.

Some day

Some days I just want to sleep all day long and not worry about a damn thing. Life is hard without my parents now. My dad I all ways asked for advice and now I can't. Yes I know I am whiny but this all needs to come out as my therapist says. I am going to leave here for a bit. I am at the drs office

Well I can't wear jeans till I am cleared up and use spray deorderant. Well I guess that's what I will be doing the next few weeks.  I just love how I am healthy

Life sucks

My dad passed away on July 10, 2017. It really sucks. This death is harder to take than my own moms.

It sucks because there was a solar elicpse that I wanted to experience with my parents and never got to.

Well I have to work on depression, ptsd, bipolar with psychosis, and anxiety.  Hopefully this new med change works out good for me.

Well I will update soon.

A New Life

Well I am getting a divorce from Albert. He ended up cheating about the time Kendra went to Oklahoma. I ended going wayward and sleeping with a couple of guys myself. I told Albert about it the whole time. He has even meet them also. In July of 2016 i tried to work it out with him but it didn't end all that great. So i left him the second time. In August, I meet Tommy Ratton. 

I believe that he came to me for a very special reason. He seems to get me right off the bat. He has been similar events that I have been. Right now we are living in Pangburn since December 2016. He has two children. Melissa and Tommy. Melissa lives with us and Lil Tommy lives in Kansas. I have all ways wanted to have kids. This time I have two children. I love them both (Even though I have not meet Tommy yet) very much. Even if I don't actually give physical birth, I still have two children. 

It all seems like it is too good to be true, I think this is the man I am actually supposed to be with and marry. I all ways wonder if all this bullshit I went through meant that I was supposed to end up with this wonderful man. I care so much about Tommy than I ever did with Albert. I just want them to know however I act towards them that I still love my new little family. I wish that they could see inside my head to see how much love I have for them all.

My diabetes does place a huge role in my attitude and Tommy understands it all. So i went into therapy at Harding University and I honestly don't think my therapist understands how I am feeling half the time. So I went to Families Inc. to sign up. I am going to try to try them out and see how it goes. Right now I am waiting for my intake. I am nervous about it all. 

I am going to go. Probably be back on here today,